Are you stuck between going for an extramarital affair or filing for a divorce? It will interest you to know that you are not alone. In the united states, almost 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. Or at least both partners go their separate way. This trend isn’t only standard in the US. Around the world, it is common to find couples who are divorced or separated.
So what then could be the cause for the high rate of marital dissolution, you may wonder. While the answer to the ultimate question relies on the person involved, you should know that you do have a tough decision to make.
You shouldn’t expect anyone to make this decision for you, because truthfully it is personal and only you can decide. Ask yourself if you are in love with the other person and if you see a future with the both of you. I won’t provide you with these answers. I understand that you may have strong feelings for the person, but you have to put a couple of things into consideration before you make up your mind.
There’s no shying away from the truth
To be sincere with you, I have also been in this same predicament that you’re in now. I was married but in love with another, or so I thought, and I had to make a choice.
Should I get a divorce so I can wander off with this person whom I love so much? To me, I thought she was my soulmate, and I had to go away and leave everything behind.
So, you have to believe me when I say I understand the intensity of your situation. But the fact that you are reading through this article tells me that you haven’t made up your mind. What I can do is to suggest a few things to consider seriously before you make this decision.
Who will my decision affect?
You have to know the people who are going to be affected by your decision. Someone is going to get hurt by whatever decision you make. If you are married to someone who loves you no matter what and is ready to fight for you, then if you leave that person, you are going to be hurting that person.
What if you decide to end the relationship with your lover and decide to give your marriage a shot? Then you are going to hurt your lover, especially if she is really in love with you.
And by the way, any decision you make is also going to hurt you. So right now, you shouldn’t be thinking of a way to make a choice that wouldn’t hurt anyone because that is inevitable, someone must get hurt.
You should search profoundly and think of the choice that would help you from now until the rest of your life. You can check here for some of the best advice for those going through marital crises.
Ask yourself if you know your lover
We all aren’t perfect, but when you are a hopeless romantic, we find it difficult to find flaws in our lovers. Everything about them seems flawless the relationship is excellent, and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that.
Oh yes, you can hear yourself speak and choose to believe it, you think that no one would ever make you feel this way. You have to wake up from your infatuation and see the relationship from a realistic point of view.
Things will always change, and gradually it will fade. Don’t forget that different routines would come up, and you might not just feel the same way after some time. And also, remember that your lover knows that you’re married and is okay with it. There are some useful tips in the link below on knowing if it’s time to call it quits.
How real is this relationship?
Most extramarital affairs are done in secrets. And this makes it easier for both of you to be well conducted throughout your limited time. There are no external factors that have come in the way of your relationship, and it’s like being a dream vacation.
As time passes, your affair will become more open, and the fantasies will fade, then the real word will rear its ugly head. With all the tedious and repetitive ways of the real world, do you see your relationship sill forging, do you think you’ll still be passionate and affectionate about one another, you have to begin seeing things from a different perspective.
Are you honest about your marriage?
Your spouse will be 2nd fiddle to your lover. That’s just the way it is. But keep in mind that it is always easy to find the faults in your marriage because the contrast is glaring.
Try looking at the positive in your union too, and think of what your spouse brings to it. Also, try and consider the inconveniences it might cause them. When finding the flaws and negatives in the marriage, it’s always easy, but you need to be sincere and thorough when looking at the positives. Try to find each of them, and weigh them to see which is more significant.
What about your contributions to your marriage?
If you think that your spouse is the only one failing, then you are wrong. Try to think of what you are doing wrong also. Even if you feel you have done nothing wrong, don’t keep seeing the failures in your partners, you might end up repeating the same thing in the next relationship.
A lot of people have extramarital affairs to find what is wrong in their marriages—seeing the situation that led you to make this decision would be a way for you to start looking at things differently. Then you can find out what went wrong.
What about your children?
Is your happiness more important than that of your children? Your spouse will always find a way to cope, but do you think your children can handle it. A divorce can also affect the kids negatively. This can be difficult for them, and it can lead to trauma or depression, which can be challenging to deal with.
These are questions you need to ask yourself, and you need to provide the right answers to them too. But if you already know the answer and are hell-bent on getting an affair, then you should check the BreakupShop – how to have an affair for all the latest tricks on how to get your romance back.
Escaping the hard times of marriages and moving to a new and exciting world with your lover might seem harmless and the right thing to do. The question is, will it look correct when things get rough? Only time will tell.